It has been said that, 'years, lovers and glasses of wine: these things should not be counted.' Luhyas will add children to the list, for good measure. However, as anyone who has been around for a while will also tell you, it is hard not to keep tabs of that first one.
Maybe the reason that we do so is that as we juggle careers, family commitments and new pursuits, we are nugded along a path of introspection that forces us to think more critically about things.
I may be going out on a limb here, but there may well be a link between the number of birthdays celebrated and the level of introspection arising thereof.
Maybe the reason that we do so is that as we juggle careers, family commitments and new pursuits, we are nugded along a path of introspection that forces us to think more critically about things.
I may be going out on a limb here, but there may well be a link between the number of birthdays celebrated and the level of introspection arising thereof.
Think about it for instance,
suppose you were an athlete - not necessarily at the top of your sport - it is likely that you would be at the tail end of your once illustrious career.
With respect to your performance, even with the lack of injury, you would, most likely, be beyond the glory. You would soon be facing the prospects of retirement and a new life away from the limelight.
With respect to your performance, even with the lack of injury, you would, most likely, be beyond the glory. You would soon be facing the prospects of retirement and a new life away from the limelight.
Yes, I know that the closest
analogy to a star athlete is a lottery winner, what with the short shelf life in the public eye and huge
earnings. But even with the best of preparations and forewarning, wouldn’t the
possibility of change give you pause.
In all spheres of our lives, we are all
confronted with the prospect of change at one time or another. After all, the only constant in this life is change. With this in mind, I set out to write down a list of 'thirty threes.'
Initially, I wanted to write something a little more positive, keeping track of some of the milestones celebrated. And why not, I am an optimist. A more upbeat story with a more positive outlook would have been in tune with who I am.
A calm sea, they say, never made a good sailor. Like everyone else, I have had my share of no-so-positive experiences. So I ended up writing instead about a few regrets that I have had.
This particular post is from a good place and it is especially personal for me because if nothing else, it gives me perspective and presents an opportunity to recalibrate and reset the sail – a future beacon for my older self.
Initially, I wanted to write something a little more positive, keeping track of some of the milestones celebrated. And why not, I am an optimist. A more upbeat story with a more positive outlook would have been in tune with who I am.
A calm sea, they say, never made a good sailor. Like everyone else, I have had my share of no-so-positive experiences. So I ended up writing instead about a few regrets that I have had.
This particular post is from a good place and it is especially personal for me because if nothing else, it gives me perspective and presents an opportunity to recalibrate and reset the sail – a future beacon for my older self.
Regret No. 33
Not doing that 19th
December wedding in the beautiful seaside town of Lamu. Well, this I put on top
of the list for one reason. In the unlikely event that my mother is going to see this,
I’ll still be in good favour, as I have tried to be. Once everything is sorted, it is a wedding my people!
Regret No. 32
Sacrificing my culinary skills.
Yes, how delightful it would have been to cook. Like really cook! I can’t
remember the last time that I did that. Ok, who I’m I kidding. I can’t remember
the last time that I cooked, period! So here is a note to self to cook a lot more
often. Who knows, I may just have a yet undiscovered skill.
Regret No. 31
Lagging on the writing. Sometimes, the reason I did not write was because I didn't think there was a story to tell. Sometimes even when there was a hint of a story, I figured that maybe, that was not how the script was meant to read. Mostly though, it was because I wanted to tell the perfect story. Sadly, and as result of all the reasons above, the story was just never written.
Regret No. 30
There is something remotely exciting about receiving a letter from those that
you love. How much better when it is handwritten. Many years ago, I would write letters to my siblings
and my parents. A little older, I would pen tens of love letters to girls. I haven't written a letter in years. As a result, I have missed an opportunity to convey my deepest thoughts to those that I love and an opportunity to track the evolution of my sentiments, over time. Never mind my not-so-good handwriting, I promise to make letter writing great again!
Regret No. 29
Failing to read as much as I would
have wanted to. On this one, there is no
good excuse. I just had my priorities a
little warped, this past year. Even the little reading I did was less than impressive. I struggled through a few titles and barely scrapped
through others. Forget the excuses. One thing is for sure, I should have read a
lot more.
Regret No. 28
Not breathing enough. Allow me to
share a useless scientific fact. I’ll explain the context later. I quote, ‘on average, a person at rest takes
about 16 breaths per
minute. This means we breathe about 960 breaths an hour, 23,040 breaths a day, 8,409,600 a year, unless we get a lot of exercise.’ The long and short of it is that I dropped the ball on my fitness regimen, and regrettably so.
Regret No. 27
Thinking I could work my way down
this list without giving more specific information and making this count-down a
lot more revealing. I honestly thought that I could easily waltz through this list. For the sake of moving further down the
list, I will throw you a bone. Unlikely as it sounds, yes it’s
true.
Regret No. 26
That day I showed up for work in
the morning with only one shoe!!! Yes, so I wake up one morning, dash into the
car and drive off to work. An hour or so later, having endured the crazy
Nairobi traffic, I drive into the parking lot. I switch off the
ignition and reach out for my shoes on the mat in the floor of the car. Lo and behold! To my
utmost horror, I only had one left shoe!
Regret No. 25
It probably makes sense for me to
explain here, how this happened. This brings me to regret number twenty five, which is reflective of how I sometimes cruised through hectic weeks and sometimes crazy timelines. So on the said morning, I had left the house
in a huff. I didn’t have both feet fully inside the shoes. As soon as I was safely inside the car, the plan was to kick them off onto the mat. But this is not what happened.
Regret No. 24
Unknown to me, while I got my left leg into the car with the left shoe intact, when I lifted my right foot to get in, I had unknowingly left one shoe on the ground and speeded off. Brings me to regret number twenty four - not taking time to review progress made because I was so fixated on the next task. You know the rest of the story. So I kicked myself about it that day.
Regret No. 24
Unknown to me, while I got my left leg into the car with the left shoe intact, when I lifted my right foot to get in, I had unknowingly left one shoe on the ground and speeded off. Brings me to regret number twenty four - not taking time to review progress made because I was so fixated on the next task. You know the rest of the story. So I kicked myself about it that day.
Regret No. 23
Just like that, I was left to deal with the aftermath of something that could easily have been avoided. Inevitably, I was forced to either buy a new pair of shoes or to go back home and find the second shoe. My plan for the day had been ruined. Of course I was livid and so mad at myself for a while. More importantly, I learnt some valuable lessons. I can smile about it now,
but I didn’t then.
Regret No. 22
That day that I had a nearly
fatal accident. It wasn’t so much how the accident happened or the fact that it
may well have been fatal. It wasn’t so much about what I thought I could have
done or not done to avoid it.
Regret No. 21
It wasn’t having to deal with the aftermath and having to worry about the other people involved. It wasn’t having to explain to my colleagues and siblings. It wasn’t not having to tell my parents because I worried more for them than I did for myself. It was everything about that accident!
Regret No. 21
It wasn’t having to deal with the aftermath and having to worry about the other people involved. It wasn’t having to explain to my colleagues and siblings. It wasn’t not having to tell my parents because I worried more for them than I did for myself. It was everything about that accident!
Regret No. 20
Failing to appreciate that the pace of progress takes time and that real and lasting growth is mostly
organic. Yeah, there are a lot of things that would have been best ticked off
the to-do-list eons ago.
Regret No. 19
But before I get ahead of myself, for most of these things, it wasn’t so much a lack of effort as it was a matter of time. So I am learning to be patient, in a sense knowing that I'd do better than watching the grass grow. Patience isn't my strongest suit but I'll have to learn to be patient especially with respect to my huge ambitions and personal timelines. To everything, time...
Regret No. 18
I'm quite ambitious. I am also a dreamer; I dream of people, things and places. With respect to ambition, my biggest regret is that I haven't been ambitious enough. I want to dream so big, set that bar so high so when I fall short, I'll still have a lot to smile about. Aim for the sun. You may not reach it. But at least your arrow will fly higher than it would have if you had aimed for an object at the same level as yourself.
Regret No. 19
But before I get ahead of myself, for most of these things, it wasn’t so much a lack of effort as it was a matter of time. So I am learning to be patient, in a sense knowing that I'd do better than watching the grass grow. Patience isn't my strongest suit but I'll have to learn to be patient especially with respect to my huge ambitions and personal timelines. To everything, time...
Regret No. 18
I'm quite ambitious. I am also a dreamer; I dream of people, things and places. With respect to ambition, my biggest regret is that I haven't been ambitious enough. I want to dream so big, set that bar so high so when I fall short, I'll still have a lot to smile about. Aim for the sun. You may not reach it. But at least your arrow will fly higher than it would have if you had aimed for an object at the same level as yourself.
Regret No. 17
Not appreciating enough of the
little things; a good night’s sleep; a delightful morning; a sumptuous meal; a hearty laugh; a relaxing swim; a starry night; a cold drink;
a warm bed; a gentle kiss; a good night’s sleep. These moments were too many to
count, yet in the midst of all the noise, these all important moments we greatly underappreciated.
Regret No. 16
Not saying ‘No’ enough. I should
have said a lot more ‘No’s than I actually did. Part of the reason I did not
was because I genuinely like to be of help to other people, even when I can’t. As a result, sometimes, despite the best of intentions and my willingness to come through for people, I have inevitably failed to make good on certain promises.
Yes, it always killed me that I could not!
Regret No. 15
Not coming through for others in
ways that I would have wanted to was tough. There are numerous cases this past year that
I felt I could not be as charitable as I would have wanted to be. The reason
was because I have done so much for so few, I have as a result spread myself so thin in
certain respects.
Regret No. 14
Consequently, I could not quite turn up for others in ways that I would wanted to. I have missed birthdays, weddings and even funerals. I wasn't always able to give the gifts that I wanted and was not always present for those all important moments in the lives of some people that I was closely acquainted with.
Regret No. 13
I beat myself about it sometimes but because of all this, and them some, I have come to learn about priorities and sadly, the fact that resources are finite. So I will be do my best to show up for those that mean the most to me, when called upon. More importantly, I will be honest enough with myself to say it, for those that I cannot.
Regret No. 12
My thoughts though will never waver because I have always wished everyone well, as I do now. I therefore understand when you, in return, can give nothing but a word of support, maybe a hug and best wishes, at best.
In good times and in bad times, regrettably, because of circumstances or inability - a factor of time and space - sometimes all that I will be able to do is to wish you well. I hope that you will understand when this is the case because having been there, I totally do.
Regret No. 14
Consequently, I could not quite turn up for others in ways that I would wanted to. I have missed birthdays, weddings and even funerals. I wasn't always able to give the gifts that I wanted and was not always present for those all important moments in the lives of some people that I was closely acquainted with.
Regret No. 13
I beat myself about it sometimes but because of all this, and them some, I have come to learn about priorities and sadly, the fact that resources are finite. So I will be do my best to show up for those that mean the most to me, when called upon. More importantly, I will be honest enough with myself to say it, for those that I cannot.
Regret No. 12
My thoughts though will never waver because I have always wished everyone well, as I do now. I therefore understand when you, in return, can give nothing but a word of support, maybe a hug and best wishes, at best.
In good times and in bad times, regrettably, because of circumstances or inability - a factor of time and space - sometimes all that I will be able to do is to wish you well. I hope that you will understand when this is the case because having been there, I totally do.
Regret No 11
Sometimes you ought to savour freedom
and soak in those delightful moments. Looking back at the year that was, it’s
true that I took a lot for granted; the
mere fact that I was alive; that I was healthy and free, that I could go
whenever I wanted to go and do whatever I wanted to do. With the benefit of hindsight, I should have savoured these
moments a little more and sought to make it possible for others to enjoy these things.
Regret No. 10
Not travelling enough. It wasn’t
so much as getting away to a far away land but rather just allowing myself to
be completely removed from the confines of my normal environment. I
could have hiked up the hill, cycled down the mountain, dipped my feet in cold water and lost myself in time and space. It didn’t happen as it should have.
Regret No. 09
I wasn’t as spiritual as I would
have wanted to. Don’t get me wrong, I am not talking about going to church –
which I didn’t – but rather being a lot more spiritually in tune with my Maker.
There is a part of me, a seed if you may, that should have been nurtured and
carefully nourished. It just wasn’t, and of all the things that I can think of,
this was regrettably so.
Regret No. 08
I should have put down my phone a
little more this year, making time for more one-to-one interactions with real people. You
see, I know that in the age of technology and connectivity, we are on the most
part, together-alone. As has always been the case since the beginning of time,
it is the human interactions that count the most. I know but I didn't live up to this creed.
Regret No. 07
There is a certain beauty in knowing that one can open up to ones vulnerability, in a sense, to wear ones heart on
ones sleeve. I didn’t open myself in ways that I should have. To a great
degree, I kept what I truly felt to myself and rarely opened up.
I should have, if only to let my guard down for once and see how that would pan
out.
Regret No. 06
Assuming it was enough to pull my
own weight. To a great degree, I have always sought a sense of independence,
believing that I, to a great extent, was solely responsible for the trajectory
that my life took. It has been mostly good going but there was always a lingering feeling that I could possibly do more if I harnessed the synergy of those around me. Here is to doing something
new.
Regret No. 05
Being overly critical of myself,
never quite giving myself credit for some of the success that I have had. For
being a worrier, I am also guilty as charged. I can think of millions of things
that worried me about the future, but that never came to pass.
Yes I have had my moments but sometimes, thoughts about something so far out and
remote in the distant future ruined some
truly special moments in the present.
Regret No. 04
Come to think of it, I can hardly
remember the last time I did something new and different. I could have and I should
have. I just did not. Settling into a rather predictable routine somewhat
tapered the edges off my once adventurous spirit, each time adding onto it
another layer of predictability. Maybe it's a case of having to teach an old dog new tricks, or maybe not.
Regret No. 03
Neglecting a certain part of
myself. I was always aware that as I grew up, those around me were growing old.
In this respect, I always sought to do as much as I could for those few that I loved.
Ironically sometimes, that which I have sometimes had to put at the back burner
is something that would certainly delight those same people, the most.
Regret No. 02
Sacrificing candor at the altar
of propriety. I have always been conscious about other people’s feelings. As a
result, while deep down I was never in doubt about certain things, I didn’t always say what I should have, when I should have. Again, not surprisingly,
this had some rather devastating results that could most certainly have been
avoided in the long run.
Regret No. 01
Not being angry enough when it
mattered. It is not lost to me that what is required for evil to triumph, is
when good people do nothing. Countless times I sat on the fence when I should
have taken up my civic responsibilities, when I should have lent my voice, albeit a whisper, to a cause. It's never too late to do so.
P.S: This is by far one of the hardest posts I
have had to write. First because I am an optimist, it was hard to put a positive spin to a post detailing my regrets.
I put off sharing this for a month. First because I couldn’t finish it that first time and second because I couldn’t possibly do so without oversharing. One thing is for sure, I don’t regret writing this!
What are your regrets? Are there certain things that you would have wanted to do differently? Please feel free to share and thanks for reading.
I put off sharing this for a month. First because I couldn’t finish it that first time and second because I couldn’t possibly do so without oversharing. One thing is for sure, I don’t regret writing this!
What are your regrets? Are there certain things that you would have wanted to do differently? Please feel free to share and thanks for reading.
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